Dear Blake Griffin,
I recently read that, during a reported fight with a staffer last week, you fractured the fourth metacarpal of your right hand and, simultaneously, fractured whatever remaining hopes the Los Angeles Clippers had for a successful year. With a recovery time anywhere between four and six weeks—and whatever suspension might be delivered down from the NBA— the Clippers as a team and your fantasy owners have never been more despondent.
You have played exactly 30 games this season, far below your career average. During those games, you were playing well in a league dominated by big personalities. You seemed, well, human. However, now your injuries and off-the-court decisions have severely limited your production and appeal to the Clippers organization and whatever possible loyal fantasy owners you may have who write weekly columns about the Los Angeles Clippers.
This isn’t to suggest that when you’re on the court you aren’t a force of nature, but rather, sadly, that our heroes don’t always live up to their on-court potential off-the-court. With your return probably somewhere around late-March, the remaining, and possibly less litigious, Clippers need to continue their terrific output in order to qualify for the playoffs, which, according to FiveThirtyEight, they hold a nearly statistical certainty of doing. When you return, just in time for the playoffs, will your impact help the Clippers in a conference where they are currently fourth and which has two juggernaut teams of versatility and power in Golden State and San Antonio?
Perhaps now with a gaping hole in the Clippers’ offense, which has stretched from December until March, the front office and management will need to make some serious considerations about how to handle you, their flippant superstar, and their not-so-prudent head coach who continues to give an unbelievable amount of minutes to his son and Jamal Crawford.
In any case, Blake Griffin, next time you decide to punch your friend, whatever the circumstances may be, think of your other friends. I mean think of the friends that you don’t know, the ones who look up to you, buy the products you endorse, and enjoy watching you on television. But, most importantly, think about my fantasy lineup.
A Devoted Fan
PS: What does J.J. Redick put in his hair?